Had a Bad Day
by DrDonnaATX
Summary: Author Bella Swan has a bad day when she meets the head of Masen Publishing. She is shocked to see her high school crush Edward Cullen. Can they get past their horrible meeting and find love? Hopefully the story is better than this summary! AH OOC Lemons
1. Sittin in a Bar

Well this was turning into a banner fucking day! When I look back on this day from hell I realize that I can either blame myself or blame Jacob and since I love to cast off blame…..blame Jacob it is! Where the hell is that waitress??? Just because I don't have a cock doesn't mean that bitch can ignore me! I can't believe I'm in this dump to drink! I'm Isabella Swan, 28 year old author and the owner of unbelievable bad luck. Welcome to my fucking world!

"Hey skanky! Just bring the bottle this time! Saves you having to come over here and saves me from having to wait 45 fucking minutes for my mother fucking whiskey!" I shouted in my most unladylike outside voice. She flipped me off but brings me my bottle of Jack. The bitch struts off like a queen. Then the fucking ass of the century decides to show up……Jacob.

My soon to be dead best friend for life….the maker of the "Bella needs cock" list and the claimer of the "hos before bros" rule shows up with the whore he'd fucked to start off my shitty day. Jacob was tall, dark, built, with long dark hair and an outrageous sense of humor. He was also gayer then a two dollar bill, as my preacher granddaddy would say. Everyone thinks we're together enough to make for some interesting cockblocks on both sides. Not tonight, tonight Jacob is going straight to hell along with his little friend, because I am out for blood.

"Bella sweetness, this is Seth. Seth this is the reason for my fabulousness Bella." Jake drawled. Great just fucking great, the big shit is drunker than I am……God hates me.

"Hello Seth is it? Gives a second. Here's some money go get a drink or a coke if you aren't old enough." I threw the money at the jailbait piece that Jake drug in there. Seth looked offended but I didn't give a damn. I was gonna get me a piece of Jake's flesh and I wasn't sure candy ass would have the stomach for it.

"Jacob William Black what the fuck is your malfunction?" I snarled at him. He seemed shocked and lost. Then he just grinned that same shit eating grin and sang out, "Other than that tired outfit girlfriend not a thing!"

"Jake come one you know what you did!" I was fuming at his impromptu little song. "Fine, RuPaul allow me to refresh your pea brained little mind….two words, Edward Cullen!" I spat at him.

"Edward Cullen? What about him? We haven't seen his rich, seriously fine ass since high school, when you wouldn't even fucking look at his car without blushing! Why the trip down memory lane sweets?" Jake asked sincerely. The thought that Jake didn't set me up for a laugh was making its way through my Jack induced haze.

"Jake you didn't know that the CEO I met with at Masen Publishing was Edward?" I asked as my face indeed did light up like a fucking Fourth of July night.

"You haven't to be kidding" Jake sounded shocked "I sent you up there to meet with the only Masen at Masen. The head guy has got to be the third or fourth one to lead it. From what I heard, the man is reclusive and old. It couldn't be Edward CULLEN, sweets; you just need to get laid!"

"Jakey I know what I saw, heard, touched, smelled and fainted at!" I was near hysterics again. "The man held out his hand and said "I'm Edward Masen Cullen and you must be Isabella" I fainted right after the handshake." I shuddered from the memory. "I fell at his feet AGAIN! Jake and he laughed again. Holy fuck I think he finally recognized me! Of course, if you weren't off fucking the twink of the day YOU WOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN THIS!"

"Well, doll face, I'm here now so chill out, you aren't doing your pours or facial lines any favors! Now would it be so bad if he _did_ recognize you? I mean you are stunning and in desperate need of some cock! It's a win win Belly a WIN FUCKING WIN!" Jake said and then proceeded to laugh his ass off. I think the Jack is hardcore working when I'm actually thinking of taking Mr. Fairy Leather Pants advice. I'm saved from such crap when his twink of the day shows back up…Sean, Sam….Seth!

"Am I allowed back at the big kids table yet?" Seth cooed at Jake. It was disgusting that Jake could get such quality tail. Last real cock I saw was attached to……Mike Newton and that's why I don't have straight vodka nights anymore. "I'm not sure, jailbait, how old are you anyway?" I spat at him. Surprisingly, Seth laughs and says "I'm 21 honey and I'm graced with genes that make me look young!" Damn it all to hell, I actually like the boy!

"Look Bells, just tell us everything….Seth and I can help you figure it out. Your own Fairy Godmothers if you will!" Jake squealed at me. Yes, the grown man fucking squealed. Why not it's not like my day can get worse right??

"Alright ladies pull up a stool and poor a shot and listen…………"

**AN: Okay so I'm new to all of this. I'm going to post this slow. I hope I didn't offend too many Jacob or Seth fans out there. This is a story about how two people have issues getting together because of their insecurities not other people. Please let me know what you think. Will be AC/AH. I also love the cuss words, fucking obviously!**


	2. Bad Day Part I

**Disclaimer: I'm obviously NOT Stephanie Meyer so I don't own a damn thing.**

_Twelve Hours Earlier_

My alarm clock was blaring "Bad Day" when I finally woke up. I beat the damn thing off and then promptly fell out of bed and hit my head. Oh well, same shit different day. I had to get a move on because today I was meeting with the CEO at Masen Publishing. Only the best publishing firm in the business; it had been my home for all of my books and now the CEO wants to meet with me about continuing my vampire novels. I sighed at the thought. I love my characters, no lie, but I feel like these two particular characters are played out, I'm thinking of trying to center the next few books on other characters in the book. I hope that when I meet old man Masen I can convince him. Or maybe I can do the series of books in the main male characters point of view. Confession time, the sexy lead male vampire in all of my books was based on the boy I couldn't get in high school, Edward Cullen. Even now ten years later, I still get tingles when I think about his perfection. He was 6 ft 2 in, with bronze hair and the most beautiful, soulful green eyes ever. He wasn't tan or anything and he had the best body…EVER! And I hang out with fitness obsessed men. Anyway, he never noticed me and that was okay. I am clumsy and you'd laugh at me too if I feel in front of you all the time. I'm plain, brown hair, brown eyes, nothing special.

So I was getting ready when my hair dryer shorted out. It was like I was stuck in a fucking Lohan movie! I was able to pull my hair up and look presentable. That was when I noticed that my best suit had a stain on it still. I mean what the fuck do I pay the cleaners for? They told me that they'd gotten out the sauce. Note to self, never trust Jake to suggest a cleaners that he'd fucked the owner! So I was forced into my frumpy boxy brown suit. This suit is just the color of shit, literally. My best friend picked out for me as a joke as a goodwill store. I don't have any other dresses and I don't have dress clothes other than club clothes. I don't think meeting with a man that could make me millions more in a barely there slut dress is a good business move. As soon as Jake and I are done with this meeting we are hitting Sak's. I swear it's time I look like I have money! I fell again when I put on the brown pumps and tried to go out my door. I only banged my knee this time, luckily (or fucking unluckily) the skirt hits mid calf, so that won't show. I'm hoping that Jake can help me look somewhat presentable when I meet up with him.

I stand at my favorite Starbucks and look around for Jake again. I mean I know the man doesn't leave the house unless he looks "Brad Pitt hot" but how the hell long can that shit take? I yank out my phone to call him when I get a text….

_B—Met a hottie at the gym, going into the BEYOND! Ha Ha Ha. Go on with out me. J_

So my manager, my best friend just pulled out of one of the most important meetings in BOTH our careers for same gym ass that might not be legal.

_J—SLUT much??? Didn't you just do a Quil? Anyway anything I need to know 4 mtg? B_

Normally, I'm not jealous of Jake's random boys, but today, since I haven't gotten laid since Bush 43's **first** term; it's time for me to get laid. Maybe I can pay someone; I'll have to get Jake on it. The damn bitch owes me for not coming today. My phone beeps again……

_B—Just be yourself. Watch the lang, tho. Be fabulous, gotta go, boy has a mouth like a hoover…oh! J ___

You'd think Jake would stop with Cruel Intentions references, but the man had it bad for Joshua Jackson….well me too. I was in the middle of my 5000 Pacey fantasy, when I was splashed with water from a fast moving silver car. Now I look like wet shit! Great! Jake is fucking dead I swear.

I make it to the building and the door hits me in the head, leaving a red mark on my head. At least that shit won't bruise. Hopefully. I finally get off the elevator on the 36th floor and the bitch beyond the desk, fucking laughed at me.

"Um, this is Masen Publishing not makeovers are us!" Giggled the frizzy blond, Jessica.

I leaned over the desk and sneered "Look Jessica, I am Isabella Swam, and I am here for a meeting with the CEO, you know your mother fucking boss! So, I suggest you get his assistant!"

The Jessica bitch leaned back and immediately placed a call. I finally saw Angie, my copy editor and Leah the assistant Jake had spoken to that set up my meeting. They smiled at me and I smiled back. These two were ace and NOT whorish bitches that looked down on my clothing style!

"Bella looking ok, what happened, why are you partially wet?" Angela asked with a slight scowl on her face. Leah just looked me up and down and sighed.

"I had major malfunctions today Angie, I swear I'd have no luck except bad luck sometimes!" I said lightly, trying to make jokes.

As we walked back to the main office, I swear I heard a laugh that sounded familiar. I just couldn't place it. Ang and Leah led to the office and let me know. Ang told me to be open to anything and I was thinking about upcoming plots when the door opened. I turned around and said, "Good morning Mr. Masen." Brightly and full of confidence I didn't feel.

I was shocked at the person in front of me….."Hi I'm Edward _Masen_ Cullen, CEO here at Masen, how are you?"

Then the world went black………………..

**AN: Sorry for the cliffhanger, but I'm splitting up this flashback! Please let me know what you think. Thanks to Shylady16 for the alert add! Peace out bitches!**


	3. Bad Day Part II

**Disclaimer: I'm obviously NOT Stephanie Meyer so I don't own a damn thing.**

**Previously…….**

_I was shocked at the person in front of me….."Hi I'm Edward Masen Cullen, CEO here at Masen, how are you?"_

_Then the world went black……………….._

I heard the laughter first. It was soft and velvety. It reminded me of home and it reminded me of Edward Cull…..oh fuck fuck FUCK!!!! Edward Cullen. Christ on a stick, this is why I didn't go to the reunion a few months ago. SHIT SHIT SHIT! What did I do? I fainted at the sight of Edward Cullen; of course I'd expecting nothing less for this shitty day. I slowly opened my eyes and looked up into the green eyes of my biggest fantasy and my worst nightmare all in one. He was composing his face so he wouldn't laugh anymore.

"Are you ok Miss Swan?" Edward asked with notes of humor and concern in his voice.

"Yes I'm fine Edward." I answered hypnotically.

He stopped and stared at me as if trying to solve a hard puzzle. That's when I knew he was starting to recognize me, so I got up off the floor, got my stuff and ran out the door…right into Leah and the cup of tea she was bring me, the **hot** cup of tea. The tea landed on me and not her, thank God because she's a pretty nice chick and she didn't need me fucking up her day. I ran out the door and made it to the elevator and on when I thought I might have heard it "Was that Smella Belly?" asked in a loud velvet voice. Then I lowered myself in the elevator and prayed that bitch would go down like the one in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Of course, since God fucking hates me, no such luck.

I ran out of the building and into a cab. I yanked my phone out of purse and called the one person that had set this whole thing up….Jacob.

"Jacob! You had better get right the fuck out of that twink and meet me at the usual place. It's a straight whiskey fucking day!" I was seething. I turned the phone off and threw it into my bag. I knew Jake did this but why? WHY would my best friend not warn me that I would be face to face with Cullen? I mean Jacob knew that out of all the dicks in Forks, he was the only one I ever EVER wrote about. Jakey the one who found my "Edward and Bella Cullen forever" notebook I'd kept since 9th grade. He was the one who tried to convince me to go after Edward.

I got to the Wolftrap and sat at our normal table. I waited for the waitress and contemplated an death by alcohol poisoning and realized that I couldn't do that, I didn't think.

"Jack straight up and keep um comin" I told the skanky waitress.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ok boys," I slurred, "What the fuck do I do now? You want to be Fairy Godmothers, fathers...whatever the fuck then help!"

The boys were staring at me with two very different expressions, Jake looked almost sick and Seth was trying not to laugh even more. Fucking cute ass bitch!

Jake cleared his throat and said "Well hells Bells, I don't know…First thing you need to do is stop drinking, we have plans and I can't play nursemaid. Second you need to turn your phone back on and talk to Leah and Angela. They've been blowing my phone up; it seems his majesty is worried about you. Third, you going to burn that suit and never wear it again. Tomorrow the three of us are going to Saks!"

Seth piped up at this point, "You know, Bella I'm a stylist, we'll go tomorrow to numerous places that I work with and get you a whole new wardrobe and then we'll go meet my bestest friend in the whole world and do something with that hair and get you some facial stuff! My work never fails and you will not be disappointed! I've worked miracles with less!" He was beaming and so was Jake. Apparently this one was going to stay around longer than the customary 36 hours. Shit even Jake might get his husband, 2.5 kids, white picket fence before me! God fucking hates me!

I carefully pay the bill and bid adieu to my men and head home. Luckily with what I've made I can live in a nice place. It's a high-rise near downtown Seattle. It's a far cry from the trailer parks of my youth both in Forks and in Oklahoma and Arizona. I've moved on up to the eastside and I love it.

I walk into my building and greet Sam the night doorman.

"Good evening Ms. Swan." Sam said in his stiff manner.

"What did I tell ya Sammy boy? Call me Bella! How is Emily?" I asked drunkenly.

Sam sighed and smiled, "I'm _trying_ to be professional Bella! Emily is fine, ready for the baby. She loved the care package by the way. You spoil us too much!"

"Pssh! I got tons of money and it ain't doin nothin for me in the damn bank!" I drawled. The more I drank the more Oklahoma came out. You can take the girl outta the trailer park but can't take the trailer park outta the girl! "Night Sam!"

"Night Ms. Swan! I'll be making sure you make inside your apartment this time!" Sam exclaimed. I flipped him off or well tried to anyway, I was seeing three of him.

I got onto the elevator and pushed the button for the top floor. I was in one of two penthouses on the top floor. The other was vacant and rumor had it some big shot was going to take it over. I hope it's not another Seahawk, athletes make shitty neighbors!

I was trying to put the key in my lock when I heard an intake of breath behind me….

"Bella Swan? What are you doing here?" Crushed velvet asked.

And I was again turning to look at Edward Cullen, as he was opening up the other penthouse….my new neighbor. Fuck me standing.

**AN: So a twofer today. Thanks to robbsweetangel for the add. That people are waiting for my story is awesome! I hope this lives up to your expectation. I don't have a beta, fucking obviously and if anyone wants to beta let me know. If you like the story let me know. I'm really new and would like the guidance! **


	4. Neighbors

**Disclaimer: I'm obviously NOT Stephanie Meyer so I don't own a damn thing.**

**Previously…….**

_I was trying to put the key in my lock when I heard an intake of breath behind me…._

"_Bella Swan? What are you doing here?" Crushed velvet asked._

_And I was again turning to look at Edward Cullen, as he was opening up the other penthouse….my new neighbor. Fuck me standing._

Its days like this that I think that suicide would indeed be painless. What the fuck do I say? Hi Edward I was at this dive bar drinking whiskey and thinking how you would look tied to my bed with me riding you? Or Hi Edward fancy a fuck? Or Hi Edward I want to have your children? I was fire engine red by this point and was sure how long I'd been standing there staring when he cleared his throat.

"Bella? Are you ok? Are you drunk? You smell like alcohol." Edward asked gently.

"Um what?" I stammered. "Oh, OH, I'm fine, just you know, had a really bad, I mean you were there and then I met up with a friend because well, I decided the day couldn't get any worse and then I get home and here you are. You think I'm drunk now; I don't what the fuck I did. You know what fuck it I'm going to bed and gonna pray for a new century!" Christ almighty, I am now rambling. I can't even look at him at this moment, so I turn back to my door and start trying to get that fucker open forcibly. He was chuckling behind me.

"I knew that I recognized you. Bella Swan from Forks High! You could always make me laugh. You haven't changed a bit! I didn't know that you were Isabella Swann though. I should have but I forgot Isabella was your actual first name. Why add the other n though? Not really changing much. I am so sorry I'm rambling aren't I? I was so worried about you!" He finally stopped talking and I turned to look at him. He had a faint blush on his cheeks and he was looking me, then the floor and back at me again. He had the oddest look on his face, I couldn't place it.

"I, uh, I didn't add the n intentionally it was an accident on the first copies of "Night" and, um, my manager Jake, you remember Jacob Black? Anyway, he thought it looked cool and we kept it. Once the books got successful, I thought it was a way to keep people away since I have everything under Bella Swan. No one really puts Isabella Swann and I together since when I'm interviewed I look so put together. You know? I obviously don't pull that off in real life!" I was nearly yelling. Gah, I wonder if I drink bleach if I can just stop fucking talking! Edward was looking at me, staring at me with this weird look on his face.

"Yeah, I remember him. The big guy you were always with right? I didn't know you were still together. Wow, that's, um great," Edward said, sounding like that was actually _not_ great "and he's your manager too? Wow you guys really mix up the business and pleasure don't you?" He sound snide at the end and I don't know why. I **do** know that I had enough Jack in me to float a small boat and I started laughing and crying and I fell against my door and slid down it until I hit my butt. I continued laughing and Edward looked like he was going to have a coronary any second.

"Bella?!?!?!?!? What is wrong with you? Are you ok? Good Lord…..do you need something?" Edward sounded near hysterical.

"Oh GOD no! It's just so fucking funny! Edward, I'm not with Jake never EVER have been. I'm not his type and he is not mine. We're just friends. I mean he would have been there today if he wasn't such a slut! At least he's keeping this one around longer than a minute. They are taking me shopping tomorrow. I have to look better anyways. Ya know? God it's fuckin hot in here, Edward. Did I leave on the heater?" I was really starting to feel the Jack hardcore and it was fucking hot wherever the hell I was.

"Ok down kitten, I get it! Let's get you in your apartment ok? Jesus, do you ever eat??" Edward was full of questions. He had picked me up and grabbed my keys. He unlocked the door and carried me inside.

"Ok princess, where do you want to go?"

"Bed, nice warm bed."

"Alright, here's your bed" Edward lowered me to my bed and suddenly felt sick. I then threw up on my floor. I don't think I did on him.

"Christ Bella! When was the last time you ate?" Edward sounded pissed. He'd gone into my bathroom to get a towel and a trash can. I couldn't figure out, _why _he was doing this. We weren't friends and there is no way in hell he's attracted to me; I was pulled out of my musings by him.

"What the fuck happened to the hair dryer? Did you barbeque it or something?" He teased. I forgot about the fucking hair dryer. Sigh.

"Nope it did that on its own. Exhibit A as to my bad fuckin day!" I said, forgetting that he was also part of said bad fucking day. "Here just dump that here and I'll clean up my own mess. I'm sure that whatever supermodel you are datin or fuckin right now would appreciate you showin up smellin like puke." I was slurring again and I didn't really care.

"I don't have to be anywhere Bella I was just checking out our new place." Edward laughed.

"Our? New Place?" I was questioning him because I didn't get him at all.

"Oh yeah me, my brother Emmett and my friend Jasper are moving in across the hall. I was just making sure we'd have room for everything." He answered.

"You mean Emmett, the football player and Jasper Whitlock, the baseball player? Holy hell I wanted the next neighbors to not be sports whores!" Where the fuck was brain filter??? Oh yeah at the bottom of bottle of Jack.

"What do you mean?" Edward was curious.

"Last neighbor was a Seahawk, Sean something or other. He had a different whore in and out of there night and day. Loud parties all the fucking time. I almost had to rewrite "Darkness" because of all the distractions and I fucking hate distractions! Not to mention, your brother was one who _started_ calling me Smelly Belly. I am too goddamn old to be called that anymore. Not to mention, that Whitlock got roped into breakin into our trailer and takin my bra and putting in up on the flag pole with my name on it! I had to beg Jake to get it down. Do you know how hard it is to 6ft 8 in 17 year old to climb a pole and bring down a bra??? He was sooo upset because he knows what a bra is but doesn't have to worry about it with his usual twink. Though he did go through that drag queen phase in college." I was nearly shouting again and saying way too much. Edward looked purple because he was so red. He was gasping for breath.

"Um, I'll make sure that Em does NOT call you that, though I didn't know you didn't like it because you always laughed, you thought you were a good sport. And Jasper apologized profusely and didn't tell anyone you were in a trailer. They all thought you lived in the house in front of the trailer. He also bought you a new one. What is a drag queen phase? Is Jake gay?" Edward ended his little tirade there.

"Of course Jake is gay. He dyed his hair pink junior year. Hello pink?????? I laughed because it was either laugh or cry and which one would you do when you are freshman in a strange school and you talk funny?" I was angry now, how could they not know how I felt?

"Oh God, Sm….Bella I am so sorry! We didn't know. We thought you were going along with it. Jesus, Emmett never have kept it up if he'd had known that you were upset. He never meant you smell bad, because you do. SHIT! Not bad, good like freesias and strawberries, so good. Fuck it, I'm gonna go now!" Edward was stuttering at the end.

"Wait, Edward wait! I'm sorry. We both tended to over talk, let's call it even shall we?" I was hoping we could end this on a good note.

"Sure thing. Hi neighbor, I'm Edward Cullen and you must Bella Swan, the prettiest girl to ever get out of Forks!" He said. He looked embarrassed and blushed just like I do.

"Um, what? Prettiest? Edward are you high?" I asked. I was now concerned that he was into hardcore drugs.

"No! No! Oh fuck NO! I just meant you are very pretty. Ok, seriously, I'm going to go. Leah will call you and we will reschedule our meeting from today. We _do _need to meet and have several things to discuss. I'm sorry I'm just…BYE!" Edward looked mortified and was practically yelling at the end.

"Um, kay Edward. Will do. Oh and welcome to the building!" I said to him. Hopefully I wasn't too bad.

He stopped at the door and return to me in the bed, skirting the vomit and leaned down and smelled my hair and kissed my check.

"See you soon, my Bella." He breathed into my hair and ran out of my apartment.

_**His **_Bella!!!! Wha????????

**AN: Up next shopping with Jake and Seth! Yea! Also thanks to Amortentia 4u, LadyHoliday and Foxnomore for the alert adds! Please review and let me know how bad I suck or not.**


	5. Pixie Dust and Hair Nazi's

**Disclaimer: I'm obviously NOT Stephanie Meyer so I don't own a damn thing. Cause if I did there would cuss words all over that mo fo!**

**Previously…….**

"_See you soon, my Bella." He breathed into my hair and ran out of my apartment._

_**His **__Bella!!!! Wha????????_

I woke up to a very bad headache and two very odd renditions of "Candyman". Jake loves the Christina, though he should do it at a lower volume and not at the crack of fucking dawn!

"What the fuck, Jake? Seth? It's like 7:45 AM!!!! Why am I up?!?!?!?!?" I half screamed at the boys. They looked good. Jake was wearing designer baggy jeans and a tight black t shirt. He looked good. Seth has already stamping the man and I had to admit it was a good. Normally the man wore jeans so tight you could not only tell how much he was packing you could see the circumcision scars!

"Bella baby, we're hitting a lot of different places and we need to make sure you are up for it so that means breakfast. Did some puke in here? And what in Gods name did you do to your hair and why are you still in that God awful suit? "Seth can talk a mile a minute; I don't think he even breathed when he said all of that. Jake just looked at him like he was his world! What???? It looks like Jake and I are in serious need of a Logo marathon night so I can find out was is going.

"Yes I puked. I cleaned up or tried to. I slept in the hair and I didn't feel like changing after Edward and I talked last night. So there you go. How did you get Jake in non painted on pants?? I'm impressed little one, very impressed!" I said. I was impressed. OH FUCK!

"Edward who? Edward Cullen? I _was_ right wasn't I Bells? I was right. Say it "You are the Queen of All Jacob Black. Say it bitch!!" Jake screamed at me.

"Keep it down, Jesus. Ok, yes Edward Cullen. He's going to be my new neighbor, well he and Emmett Cullen and Jasper Whitlock are moving in across the hall. We talked for awhile; I got him to quit calling me that awful name and hemighthavecalledmeHISBellabeforekissingmycheekandleaving!!!" I squealed and rushed at the end.

"**HIS BELLA! KISS!** You Go Girl!" Seth was jumping up and down in front of me and Jake was staring at me then he smirked.

"Were you his Bella before or after you puked on him?" Jake innocently asked.

"I didn't puke on him you ass, and it was after. He kissed me on the cheek! I was nice but I think he felt sorry for me. Anyway it's a nice memory." I sighed.

"Ok bitch get in the shower, just wet the hair, don't wash it as we are doing that today. I will pick out your clothes for the day. Jakey figure out where we are eating and make sure they have a light menu." Seth barked out orders. I was really impressed with boy. Remind me not to get on his bad side.

One fantastic shower later, we were on our way to breakfast. I noticed that Jake and Seth were holding hands. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone or something. Jacob Black showing someone other than me affection? Jacob Black holding a boys hand? Add that to Edward's "My Bella" and I'd swear I'm in some fucking Bizarro universe.

We ate at some breakfast nook near my place and hit the stores. Seth was not joking when he said that I would be spending massive amounts of money or be tired. I bought 7 pairs of $500 jeans. They were comfortable and looked fucking great, but $500??????? What happened to Target? I had more tops than I could count. They were all form fitting and flattering. Any time I tried to voice my opinion, Seth threatened me within an inch of my life. The next place we were going was some local Seattle boutique called Pixie Dust. Apparently, Seth is friends with the owner.

We walked into Pixie Dust and were immediately assaulted. Well Seth was anyway. I never saw the attack coming and I was really worried. Seth was thrown to the ground and I screamed out. Jake grabbed on to me so I wouldn't help Seth. Then I noticed that Seth was laughing. It turns out that the thing that had attacked him was a 5ft nothing black spiky haired woman. She looked to be around 12.

"Hi, you must be Bella right? You're Jake? Damn Seth you weren't kidding waaaayyyyy too fuckable for his own good. God Bella you are stunning, we just need to bring it out. Does she have an appointment with the Hair Nazi? She needs one, should I call? Fucking hell Seth don't just stand there let the poor girl in so she can get some clothes. She needs at least 2 suits and numerous dresses, both dressy and casual……oh, I haven't introduced myself I'm Alice Brandon." The girl finally stopped talking. She didn't breathe just like Seth. I see where he gets it now.

"Nice to meet you Alice." I was completely charmed by this point. The only thing I was worried about was her age and her heart. Seriously that much caffeine or Red Bull has got to be hard on a person!

"Heya, Alice. Nice to meet you; Seth said such sweet things about you. But dear are you old enough to be out of school? Seth didn't say you were a child prodigy." Jake said turning on the charm. Jake knows the word prodigy?? Wow. Focus…..

I heard peels and peels of high pitched giggles coming from Alice and deep snickers from Seth. When she finally caught her breath she said "Fuck me standing Jake I'm 28!"

The girl uses the right language; I'm in full on girl crush mode. I swear I'm hearing Katy Perry right now.

"Alice I'm a size 6 just send whatever you think to my place and here's my credit card." I sighed. This is what Seth had done at the last few stores after I flipped at the aforementioned $500 jeans.

"Very good Seth, very good. Time?" Alice asked.

"Let's say 7 pm shortie." Seth answered. What the fuck was going on? I looked at everyone around me with a questioning look.

"Don't worry Bella we're going to be best friends. I'll see you at 7!" Alice exclaimed. I just shrugged and followed Seth and Jacob out the store after the goodbyes.

"Don't bet against the pixie, B. Just trust me. We've got a Nazi to please now." Seth said.

As we walk to the salon, I'm trying not to think about Edward; like that is fucking possible. I've played last night over and over in head, there are some hazy parts, but mostly all I replay is "My Bella" over and over in my head. I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings and nearly fell over Jake when they stopped. He just laughed used to my issues with gravity. Gravity and I have a love hate relationship, we love to hate each other! We were in front of a beautiful salon and we walked in.

"Great it's like mother fucking Queer Eye up in this bitch!" exclaimed the most beautiful woman I'd ever laid eyes on. Not gonna lie, I got a little wet and I am not into girls or anything. I just stared at her because I couldn't form words. Since I wasn't good enough to be in Edward's presence surely to God I'd be killed for being this close to perfection. She was tall with long blond hair, a perfect figure and big beautiful blue doll eyes.

"Rosalie darling, still the Wick Bitch of Seattle?" Seth asked. He knew this Rosalie, but I would be scared to talk to her like that. Bitch would cut my tits off, I was sure of it. Though not that would any big loss or anything.

"What have you brought me Seth? Hey, bitch take down your hair! God if I can't see the canvas I can't work! Fairy boy you know this! Who's the big fucker?" Rosalie spat. I quickly pulled down my hair. She came up behind me and started playing with my hair.

"This is Jacob, Jacob and Bella this is Rosalie. The best hair _artist_ in Seattle! Jake is…" Seth said.

"His boyfriend." Jacob finished. Boyfriend. Holy rusted metal Batman! Jake has a BOYFRIEND?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I sent Jake the standard, we are soo fucking talking about this later look.

"Jesus Seth you settled down, what about Paul? Embry? Colin? Should I go on?" Rosalie was laughing now.

"Shut the fuck up Rose! Should I say anything about Roy.." Seth said before….

"Fuck you Priscilla, FUCK YOU!" Rosalie shouted.

"Ok, Bella right? I can help you with your hair. The color is fabulous we are leaving it alone, since it reaches your ass we're taking 4 inches off and giving you long layers so it will curl. Never straighten your hair, always curl, got it? Also Aro is going to do your face" she asked.

"Yeah curl good, straighten bad Aro face" I said. Glad that I wasn't changing hair colors. I loved the auburn streaks that were natural.

"Say Rosie baby, Ali-cat is going to be over at Bella's tonight, wanna come over? Did I mention that Bella wrote the Cullet vampire books?" Seth said.

"Your Isabella Swann?????? Holy shit. Totally love your books by the way. In the last one, the wedding night was just too hot for words, tell you had an Edwin impersonator helping you with that!" She smiled at me and I was even more in love I think.

"Um no just my overactive imagination." I mumbled. I hate to break fans hearts and tell them that I write most of my scenes in an old Guns N Roses t shirt and ratty UDub sweats. I try to lie but I figure Rose would call me on my bullshit.

"Too bad honey, but my work never fails!" She said. Just then an attractive older Italian looking man made his way over to us. He didn't say a word, just grabbed by face and turned my head various different directions. He then said in the most delicious accent, "Bella the name fits. You won't need much, do not work Te amo I will make you even more!"

Aro was just too funny when he realized I was with Seth the accent went away and he talked with tongue of his native land…New Jersey!

We left an hour later, with strict instructions that I could not look at my hair or face.

At 4, we made it back up to my place. I was so tired. Jake and Seth left to get food since Alice and Rosalie were coming over and I headed off to my room for a nap. Since my cleaning company had been in today, thank Christ I didn't have to clean. I wondered if Mrs. Cope would kill me for the vomit stain, but figured I'd hear about it next week! My doorbell rang right as I reached my room. Great someone is going to die! When I went to go get it I was shocked at the flowers at the door. Three beautiful arrangements. One was Calla Lilies (my favorites), one was Gerber Daisies and one was Ivory Roses.

"You Bella?" asked the delivery guys.

"Yeah that's me. Just put them anywhere." I said dazed. I've never gotten flowers from anyone except Jake. It was nice. After the delivery guys left I read the cards.

_Beautiful Swan—_

_Sorry for the nickname. I promise no orgies, well nothing above a foursome! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!_

_Emmett Cullen _(The roses)

_Bella—_

_Please forgive me for the bra incident and accept my apologies for going along with Emmett. No parties without your permission._

_Jasper Whitlock _(The daisies)

_My Bella,_

_I can't wait to get to know you now both on the professional and personal._

_Edward Cullen _(The lilies of course!)

_P.S. See you sooner than you think._

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I just came by reading Edward's card. If so, I'd fucking die a beautiful death if I actually touched the man.

**AN: To all of the reviewers and alerters and favorites THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH! I will make a longer one of these tomorrow. **

**Coming up dinner at Bella's!!!! Again thanks to everyone! Please let me know how you like this. This is the longest chapter yet!**


	6. Panic at the Phone Call

**Disclaimer: I'm obviously NOT Stephanie Meyer so I don't own a damn thing. Cause if I did Edward would be naked and a lot less of a gentleman!**

**Should have done this sooner, obviously I have a dirty mouth and so do my versions of these characters. There will be lemons at some point I'm sure. The M rating is there for a reason!**

**Previously…….**

_HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I just came by reading Edward's card. If so, I'd fucking die a beautiful death if I actually touched the man._

I was shocked, I do mean shocked. I sat on the floor reading and reading Edward's card. The other two were filled out by people from the flower shops, but Edward filled his out himself. I'd recognize his handwriting from high school. It was all neat and masculine. Mine was all scrawling and shitty looking. Thank God above for laptops! What does he mean by "My Bella"? I'm not his Bella, hell I'm barely my _own_ Bella and I _**AM**_ Bella. Does this mean that he would actually date me? Kiss me? Knock me in various Karma Sutra inspired ways? I have no idea what to do when my phone rings.

"Hello" I snapped. I am in the middle of a card induced breakdown and don't have time for this bullshit.

"Hi, Bella. Is everything ok?" My dad's voice called out overly worried. Ah daddy. Charlie, the police chief in Forks and the best man I know.

"Hey dad. I'm fine, just had a long day with Jake. How are you? Catch any good fish lately?" I asked. My dad is somewhat closed off, the only three things that could get him animated was me, fishing with Jake's dad and Seattle sports. He was the only one that was excited with my last neighbor.

"No, no fish. I'm ok. Say Bella I gotta go see the doctor next week, you remember Dr. Cullen right? Anyway, I was wondering if you could come home for the appointment." He sounded so stressed. I was instantly alert. I remember Dr. Cullen from the days he had to work in the ER and I landed in the place, again. But he was really a Cardiologist. Fuck!

"I'm sure I can come Daddy. What's going on? Dr. Cullen is a Cardiologist. Are you ok?" I was pleading with him at this point. Tell me you're ok daddy I can't have you leave me, not yet. I was taking deep calming breaths. If I started crying he would be upset and I couldn't have that.

"Now I'm fine honey, just some issues with tests and Carlisle requested that I have you come in with me. I'm sure it's nothing. You know have to have a complete physical every year for the job. Maybe you could bring Jake in; Billy's not getting any better or any younger." He was trying to turn the conversation from his issues to the complex Black family issues. It must be bad if he's diverting so quickly.

"I'll talk to Jake but holy fuck dad, this is serious! Dr. Cullen wouldn't request me if it wasn't bad. What aren't you telling me? And can the macho-gotta-be-brave for my little girl bullshit!" I screamed at him. I was mad and if he thought this was the way to tell perhaps dad forgot just who the fuck he was dealing with!

"Isabella Marie Swan, you watch your language. Your mama and I didn't raise you to use that filthy language you will not start now. I don't care how old you are I will spank you. My appointment is on Tuesday at 11 am. I expect you here and on your best behavior young lady. Am I clear? I don't care if you are rich and live in the big city I will take a switch to you!" Dad gave as good as he got. Truthfully, I am successful and 28 but hearing my full name turned me back into a sweaty quivering 12 year old!

"I'll make it Daddy, I'm sorry I worry about you. You are the only family I have so please be ok," I was crying now, "Please daddy I can't lose you yet!" I was hysterical by this point.

"Bella, baby girl, calm down, I'm fine. I think that Carlisle just wants to see you since you put his kids through college. Maybe he wants grandkid money!" Dad tried to joke.

"The Cullen's have grandkids?" It might have been wrong to ask but fuck you I won't do what you tell me. I had to know about Edward and if pumping my father was gonna get me somewhere then I would do it!

"What am I the Forks gossip? I don't think so, ask him yourself on Tuesday! I gotta go, get Jake to call his dad….Billy's lonely. Goodbye, I love you Belly." Dad said.

"Ok, Daddy I'll see you on Tuesday. I'll try with Jake. I love you too Daddy, I love you too." I said. We got off the phone. Well, fuck fuck FUCK! What the fuck was with today? I get the best card ever then Dad's call. I still call bullshit on him because Dr. Cullen wouldn't have me come in for anything. That is just stupid. I need someone now.

I whipped out my phone and called Jake. "Jake I need you to come back right now. Please Jake." I was quietly crying into the phone.

"Sure, sure I'm on my way. Talk to me baby, what's wrong Bella? Is someone dead? Jesus Bells talk to me!" Jacob was near hysterics now.

"It's Charlie Jake, he's got an appointment with Dr. Cullen on Tuesday and Carlisle told him to have me come in. This is serious; I can't lose him I can't be an orphan I just can't. I can't handle this, what if he's got cancer, what if he's got like days to live? What if he needs a transplant but he can't get one in time? Jake what if he dies?? I can't do this…." I was crying and rambling again. Only Jake could talk me down from this.

"Jesus Bella I'm on my way, deep breaths remember? You can do this deep breaths. I'll be there in 5!" Jake yelled and hung up. I was trying to do my breathing when there was a knock on the door. Wow, Jake got freakishly fast all of a sudden. I opened the door and there was Edward.

"Hi, Bella you got the flowers? Good…Bella are you ok?" Edward said as he walked into my place. He finally had looked at my face I suppose. God he smells good.

"No I'm not ok. Apparently, my dad has something bad wrong with him. Bad enough that _your_ dad insisted that I be with dad for the appointment on Tuesday morning. My mom is dead, did you know that? I'd be an orphan; I'd be alone in the world. Completely utterly alone. I can't do this I can't lose him. Not yet. I'm not ready. I already have his Christmas present. I bought him and Billy tickets to go fishing around the world. Christ I'm a bad daughter. I live close but I've seen him all of 2 times in the last year! He's my dad….." I was crying again. I surprised when I was pulled into a warm hard chest.

"Bella breathe. I'm sure it's just a precaution. Dad wouldn't have you come in for no reason and if it was that serious he would break doctor patient confidentiality to prepare you. He always talked so highly of you. Do you want me to call him? I can call him…" he trailed off patting his pocket for his phone. I stopped him.

"No I'd rather find out with Dad. Thank you for being so kind." I had stopped crying but was libel to start up again any time. Edward just hugged me tighter and kept talking.

"Did you know that Emmett and I were orphans? Carlisle and Esme are our adopted parents. They were friends with our folks and when they died they took us in. Moved us to Forks and raised us up right. You moved after we did so you didn't know. We would have been lost with out them. I'm sorry about your mother I didn't know obviously. Would you like me to call someone? I can call Jacob if you like." Man he reminds me of me sometimes.

"I'm sorry Edward, I didn't know about your parents. I wouldn't have been so hysterical about being an orphan. I mean you are so nice and I'm so not. I, um hope you forgive me for that I just don't know what came over me, I just panicked. Ya know? Mom died right before me moved to Forks. OH SHIT! I totally disrespected your real parents didn't I? God just kill me now!" It is physically impossible for me to shut up around him, it's like he dazzles me or something!

"Disrespec….oh fuck NO! Bella you didn't do anything! I should have just called Jake. I'm making this worse aren't I? Sweet baby Jesus, Belly I didn't mean any of it. OH God I just called you Belly. I'm sorry, twice I um did that! I'm gonna stop talking now!" He said. Then I heard the laughter. I looked at the doorway at Jake and Seth.

"Hells Bells you finally found someone who can speak Bella! Keep him around! I demand it. You seem better." Jake was smirking at me. Seth was still laughing hysterically.

Then I realized three things at once: one Edward was still holding me and his hands were on my ass, two I had just calmed down from the panic attack that was coming and three I was irrevocably in love with Edward Cullen!

**AN: Lordy you reviewers are awesome keep it up! I know that I said this would be the dinner scene, but I wanted Edward there and I need something to have him there and for Bella's revelation to happen. Don't worry the crazy dinner scene will be up by later on tonight (as it's after midnight here!) **

**I'm in OK and I want to give a big hug to anyone affected by the wildfires here. Keep your head up!**


	7. Our work never fails

**Disclaimer: I'm obviously NOT Stephanie Meyer so I don't own a damn thing. **

**Should have done this sooner, obviously I have a dirty mouth and so do my versions of these characters. There will be lemons at some point I'm sure. The M rating is there for a reason!**

**Previously…….**

_Then I realized three things at once: one Edward was still holding me and his hands were on my ass, two I had just calmed down from the panic attack that was coming and three I was irrevocably in love with Edward Cullen!_

Two seconds after my mind blowing revelation, Edward finally decided to join reality and removed his hands. I swear that I felt him give a small squeeze before he let me go. How his hands ended up on my ass I really don't remember. I remember him stroking my back, I remember the electricity in the touch and then I remember Edward's smell. It got kinda hazy after that until Jacob showed up. I wasn't sure if I was happy to see Jake or if I wanted to kill him. Edward looked, well I couldn't place it. He didn't look embarrassed; he looked happy. The grin on the man's face was a mile wide. I didn't know they made teeth that perfect. Of course Jacob ended my thoughts.

"Bella it's rude not introduce your friends to your best friend!" Jacob exclaimed. Fucking cockblocking queen! He had to know who this was. God, why are we friends again?

"Jake this is Edward Cullen you remember him from Forks? Edward Jacob Black." I looked at Jake like he'd grown another head. That boy didn't need any more egos.

"Of course, hey man you look good. I'm sorry I couldn't make the meeting yesterday, but something came up." Jake tried to look innocent, a look that Jake hadn't pulled off since 9th grade.

"Hi Jacob, It's nice to see you again. I heard that you were detained yesterday; a pity, but we will reschedule the meeting for next week. Who is your friend?" Edward asked. He carried himself kinda stiffly but it worked on him. God was just showing me again why fancy, refined gentlemanly Edward would never, EVER go for me. Thanks for the reminder God, I hadn't forgotten!

"This is Seth, my boyfriend. Seth Edward Cullen," Jake said. Edward was looking at Seth like he was trying to solve a math problem. I know they were tall, built and hot, but there was something else there.

"Nice to meet you Edward," Seth said quietly. Too quietly for the boy we'd been around all damn day. Was this not the guy that put Hair Nazi in her place?

"Seth, Seth Clearwater? How are you? I haven't seen you in so long. I didn't even know you were in Seattle? How are Harry and Sue? Wow you've grown up," Edward said. At this point Jake and I were looking between the two like we were watching a tennis match. Jake looked at me and I shrugged. I had no clue what was going on.

"Hey Edward, I'm good, been in Seattle since graduation. I'm surprised Leah didn't tell you I was in town. I lived with her for a while. She loves the job by the way. Mom is fine; dad is well trying to take care of himself better since the heart attack. They tried to move but your parents won't let them. They are getting more involved in tribe business now. They don't talk to me much. How are Dr and Mrs. Cullen?" Seth said. He looked everywhere but over to where Jake was standing.

"Tribe business? What tribe, Seth?" Jake was looking a little green. I knew that look and started thinking of the intervention.

"Quileute," Seth whispered. "I wasn't completely honest. We've met before. My last name is Clearwater."

Jake looked pissed, then his mouth just dropped. "Seth Clearwater!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Last time I saw you it was like 12 years ago. My you've grown."

"Yeah after you left the Rez School we didn't see each other. My parents are the caretakers of Edward's family home. I could have gone to Forks but my parents wanted me to go to the Rez School. I moved here when I turned 18. I live with Leah." Seth looked much relived. I have a feeling he didn't want Jake to know who exactly he was yet.

"Wow! Small world. I thought I was the only "unnatural" one from the tribe. I was the only one with "unholy" thoughts! The only **fucking disappointment **in the fucking tribe. I'm the only one that is **shitting **on the graves of my ancestors. I was the only one that is **going to hell** right?? There can't be **another** Quileute out there that is gay, I started a fucking revolt!" Jake was getting mad and starting to yell, time for the big guns. His eyes were glassy and his breathing was heavy….only one place to turn when it gets like this.

"Jakey, sweetie, we don't think of that do we? No we don't!" I said slowly as both Edward and Seth looked at me funny. I guess you would too if you saw a 5 ft 4 in girl comforting a 6 ft 7 in guy this way. "Deep breaths Jakey-poo that's it. Come on let's sit down. Look I'm going to turn on Doctor Who Series 2, ok? David Tennett??? Come on let's sit down for the Brit-fabulous time! Maybe if you're good I'll pull out Torchwood for some John Barrowman? Um?" I was trying to keep it light. I got the TV and DVD on in record time. I went to the fridge got out the can buried in the back. "Here honey, have some Vitamin R." Jake hugged me and continued to let the Tennett magic work on him. I motioned for Edward and Seth to follow me into my room.

"What the hell was that Bella? Is Jake unhinged?" Seth asked, clearly "What the hell happened to him?" Edward was standing back looking at me funny. I took a deep breath and looked at Seth.

"Seth do you know Billy Black?" He nodded his head. "Billy is Jake's father. When Jake was caught in a compromising situation when we were sophomores with Jared Lake, the elders of the tribe went ballistic. Jared told them that it was all Jake's fault that he practically forced him; when it was Jared's idea in the first place. The elders said that Jake and Jared had to renounce homosexuality. Jared did but Jake didn't. The elders told him not to come back to the school. He moved in with me and my dad for a long time. Billy finally got him an apartment our senior year. Jake feels that Billy should have stood up for him and Billy was so shocked at what went on that he didn't respond right. Billy got the elders to change their minds but Jake still doesn't talk to him except for twice a year on the anniversary of Jake's mother's death and Christmas." Seth and Edward were staring at me. Seth looked heartbroken and left the room. Edward just kept staring at me.

"Is that why you never left his side in high school?" Edward asked quietly.

I just nodded my head. "He was abandoned and his mother was gone, he needed me."

"You are such a good friend. You are such a good person. You are amazing." Edward looked at me in awe.

"I I I'm nnnoott amamamamzing!" I stammered. I was bright red right now and if I touched something I'd set it on fire. "I'm just plain Bella, Edward." He looked at me in a way like he wanted to eat me. He closed the distance between us, reached out and kissed me. It was an all encompassing kiss. Tongues and everything. Now, I'm no virgin, but the 2 guys I've done it with didn't make me feel this flush, this heat. They didn't firmly tangle their hands in my hair and kiss me like there was no tomorrow. I hung on and responded. The boy had skills. I've never been so wet in my life! I was ready to throw him on the bed. We were making out then we started to touch each other, he made a pass at my breasts while stroking my sides up and down. I nearly screamed. I grabbed his hair and he moaned. **That's right ladies and gentleman, BELLA SWAN MADE EDWARD CULLEN MOAN!** Who's got the skills now, baby??? His hands were now stroking my stomach on their way to the breasts when there was a sound of laughter at the door. It was Rosalie and Aro. Edward and I broke apart.

"See, girl, our work NEVER fucking fails. That's why we're Rosalie fucking Hale and Aro fucking Volturi!" They said at the same time. They ran off yelling, "We cockblocked Bella, we cockblocked Bella!" Edward just smirked and I was so red that the color red called and wanted its shit back!

"Well, the next time we do that we won't be bothered!" Edward breathed into my ear.

"Next time?" I squeaked. What the hell, I've died right?

"Oh Bella," he whispered seductively, "I've got plans for you." Oh my Gah! No words. None at all. I went with instinct. I threw my arms around him and kissed him. He stepped back the force of it. Just as soon as I started, I stopped.

"I can't wait to see these plans!" I said trying to be seductive but sounding like a poor imitation of Marilyn Monroe.

"Good my little lamb. You are going to need them!" He said then walked into the living room. I have to freshen up for a minute, at least change underwear. Gah. Lamb? Me? What the fuck? I just made out with Edward fucking Cullen! Holy Shit!

**AN: Yeah I know, no dinner, but then Charlie sort of came out of nowhere for me and Jake needed his back story. I'm a bad, bad BAD author and I've sentenced myself to finishing the dinner scene and to start the Forks migration soon. I've been asked if there will and Edward point of view and yes there will be soon. I'm debating on including in this story or making a companion piece. There will also be a Charlie/Carlisle/Billy/Clearwater parent point of view. It will make sense soon. One can only hope.**

**Been reading a lot of fics lately; I am completely in awe of McVampy and if you haven't read Apples and Oranges yet….well get to steppin! Search for either McVampy or Apples and Oranges. **

**Shout out to the new BETA Edward is my only love! You go girl!**


	8. Dinner with everyone

**Disclaimer: I'm obviously NOT Stephanie Meyer so I don't own a damn thing. **

**Should have done this sooner, obviously I have a dirty mouth and so do my versions of these characters. There will be lemons at some point I'm sure. The M rating is there for a reason!**

**Previously………**

_What the fuck? I just made out with Edward fucking Cullen! Holy Shit!_

I walked into my living room and was shocked. Jake and Seth were curled up on my couch whispering to each other. Aro was watching Doctor Who, Rosalie was talking to someone on the phone and Edward was leaning against my bar staring at me. One look and I was starting to get wet again. Lordy!

"Hey guys!" I called out into the room at random but having a staring contest with Edward. Then I tripped over my own end table and nearly landed on Edward. Note to self, can't walk across a hardwood floor without falling, don't walk across the floor while in a staring contest with someone. Shit balls. It's like I have a manual for being a big fucking loser and am following it step by step.

"Bella are you ok?" Edward looked concerned.

"No, I'm fine, just coordinately challenged," I said to the floor. There was no way in hell I was actually looking at him.

"Is coordinately a word Ms. Best Seller?" Rosalie said while laughing hysterically.

"Fuck you Rose!" I yelled and then promptly began saying a Hail Mary. I have no idea _**why**_ I just did that. She was going to cut my tits off and wear them as badges of honor. She was literally capable of ripping me apart and burning the pieces. She looked me up and down with a sneer on her face.

"Well, Well, Well kitty's got claws. You'll do Bella Swan, you'll do just fine," She winked at me and laughed. She went back to talking to Aro. Just then there was a knock at the door. I went to answer it shaking my head to clear it. Alice was at my door.

"Evenin' Bella darlin'. How are you? You look flushed. Who is the sex haired gentleman in the corner? Where do you want the clothes? Why on EARTH are you looking at me like that????" Alice fired off. She talks so fast that Vince Vaughn would look at her go "Come again?"

"Hi Alice welcome. I'm fine. The clothes go in the master bedroom. I wasn't expecting you. Alice this is Edward Cullen. Edward this is Alice Brandon," I told her. Alice was looking at us both like she was doing a complex trig problem or something. She shook her head and beamed at us both.

"Nice to meet you Edward. You seem like just the man." Alice said cryptically. She winked at me and floated into my bedroom with like a million bags with her. I had no idea what the fuck just happened.

"I invited Alice, Rose, and Aro over, Bella. The food should be here soon," Seth said from his Jake cocoon on the couch.

"Edward would you like to stay for dinner?" I asked. I was shy now, why, I have no fucking clue. He was looking at me in that odd way again.

"Sure, I was going to meet Emmett and Jasper next door anyway. Could they stay as well?" Edward asked. "I'll pay for extra food."

"Well, yeah they can come over. If you are staying they are welcome too. Seth where did you order from; can I add to the order?"

"We ordered from Bella Italia. I'll call them and have them add right now. Jake sweetness please move so I can reach my phone." Seth was cooing at the end of that. Yeah that's right the grown man was cooing! Gah, if those two get anymore sickening with the PDA I'm gonna puke rainbows and shit.

Jake was grumbling about moving, but he relented. How they both were both laying on the damn couch in the first place is beyond me. Jake's 6 ft 7 in, Seth is at least 6 ft 5 in my couch is not that big. While Seth and I were taking care of dinner plans. Edward called Jasper and Emmett and invited them over. Emmett was excited that there were 3 women in attendance because he could "make the foursome thing a reality!" he's so weird! Boys!

Alice wanted Rosalie and me to come to the bedroom. I was busy trying to stare at Edward's everything to notice. Rose grabbed my arm and kept walking. Apparently, the Hair Nazi and the Little Fireball wanted me for something. Bitches.

"Bella, when one has a gentleman caller; one simply does _**not**_ dress for a track meet. It just won't do!" Alice sneered at me. "Nazi, darlin', her hair is good, make up ok, just need a touch up."

"For Christ sake, _Mississippi_ I told you not to call me that!" Rose spat at Alice.

"Because I sooooo love being called my home state's name with such distain, bitch!" Alice shouted.

"Ahhh, fuck face I've missed you too!" Rose laughed. Apparently these crazy people are close friends. They started talking about clothes and me and skin tone and hair. I just really zoned that shit out. I was thinking about my books, if I'm forced to write another one maybe I can add in more about how _Edwin's_ kisses are electric and make _Izzy's_ responses more real. I mean I made the girl a vampire in the last one so she can't just faint or anything, but she can think about it. I am so deep in my thoughts about my beloved characters that I am not paying attention to Rose and Alice until Rose was nice enough to smack my shoulders.

"What?" I asked.

"We've been trying to get you to change for the last minute!" Alice huffed at me.

"Sorry I was thinking about my next book," I said trying to use the truth as the excuse and not that I was thinking about Edward again. Good Lord, I'm like addicted to thinking about him. When he showed up with a supermodel on his arm, how in the fuck would I cope? Go to Edward's Anonymous meetings?? Gah!

"Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" Rose cracked and then proceeded to explain her cockblock to Alice. Dear sweet fairy Alice who laughed so loud, I thought I was at a truck stop. She didn't stop until she snorted. It was an odd thing really.

"Bella take the fucking clothes off and put this on NOW!" Alice bellowed. For someone so tiny she was really annoying. While I was changing into a pair of skinny jeans and royal blue peasant top with ballet slippers Alice and Rose were talking.

"So Rose how are you? Really?"

"I'm fine Ali truly. I haven't heard anything recently. You?"

"Been restless, I've had my déjà vu dreams again. Blond hair this time; but not _**the**_ blond hair. It's like I'm gonna meet my soul mate or something. Seth looks good right? Bella tell us about Jake." Alice rushed through. I noticed that both Rosalie and Alice were looking at me with matching serious expressions.

"Jake is a good guy. He can be moody and defensive with the best of them. He can be snarky, but he's so sweet. He's goes to several nursing homes around town and sits with older gay men, because he feels like they won't have family and that someone should visit them. Once a month, he volunteers at Children's Hospital. He wants kids and a guy to settle down with. He's been a bit of a slut, because he's afraid to settle down. He seems hooked on Seth though. Why? What is up with Seth?" I asked.

They looked at each other and Rose answered, "Seth is good guy, but he's been hurt, make sure that the big dog doesn't hurt him and we'll be fine." I knew there was more to it but I didn't want to pry. They seemed like a firm unit of friends.

"Bella you look good let's go get your hot POA!!!!" Alice said. Thank God, I remembered that POA was piece of ass. I was ready to question when my brain finally fucking caught up. We walked back into my living room and two new people were there and Jake was setting the table while Seth dealt with a delivery driver.

"Oh my God! Look Jazz its little Sme…..Bella Swan. You look fantastic!" Emmett Cullen said. I didn't think it was possible but he was even larger then he was in school with his brown curly hair and bright hazel eyes. Then he was crushing me in a hug.

"Can't…..breathe….Em!" I panted out. The boy was going to kill me before it was all said and done. "Hi Emmett, Jasper!"

"Hi darlin'." Jasper drawled. The man lived in Texas for all of 5 years and still hadn't gotten rid of the accent, the same I accent I got rid of within 2 years in WA. I guess it got him the ladies. His blond hair was still on the long side and his blue eyes just as bright. I thought I heard Alice gasp but I wasn't sure. I introduced Rose, Alice, Jake, Seth and Aro to the guys. Alice and Jasper were currently in a staring contest and Rosalie was ignoring Emmett while sitting so close to him that she could have been on his lap. Aro was busy flirting with Edward. If that bitch wasn't so good with makeup and waxing, I'd cut him. No fucking joke! Wow, jealous much of a guy that isn't even mine!

Seth and Jake had dinner on the table and we sat down to eat. Edward sat next to me and we all made small talk. Edward kept staring at me and talking to me throughout the meal. It was so fucking cool.

"….so that's how I got kicked out of the Playboy Mansion." Emmett said to Rosalie. Rose being a bad ass, hit him on the back of the head.

"Fucking animal!" She spat at him. "That is not a story you tell a lady."

"When I find a fucking lady, I won't! You fucking harpy!" Em spat right back.

"I'd call you a Neanderthal but I'd have to fucking explain it to you!" she shot right back. He was gapping at her and didn't notice she'd picked up his I Phone.

Emmett started laughing. "Look princess, I have got to have your number what is it?"

"I already put on your phone while you were processing the Neanderthal remark, ass wipe!" She said. She blushed a little bit. It seemed like them were made for each other. The rest of us laughed.

"No ma'am, I'm a Texas boy myself." Jasper said to Alice. They were apparently trying to out "Southern" the other. Since she is from Mississippi, and apparently lived in the actual South longer, I think she's winning.

"If Texas was so great they'd play Ole Miss at football and learn what the game really is!" Alice said. Oh Christ on a stick, she did not just insult Big 12 football. Jasper and I had been down this road it wasn't pretty. Since I was from Oklahoma first.

"Well, sweetheart, I reckon the Horns would beat the Rebs if they ever played. We own Oklahoma why not Ole Miss!" Jasper cooed at her. Alice seemed to take this as a personal affront.

"Mr. Whitlock, I would not put down SEC football if I were you. Your team couldn't even bother to play in their own conference championship!" Alice spat at him.

"Well, Ms. Brandon, I guess we'll just to agree to disagree. At least I don't like some Yankee school!" He said.

"Well there is that, sir!" She said.

"For Christ sake Mr. and Mrs. Trailer Park, the South LOST! Keep that in mind!" Aro called. Alice and Jasper just snickered at that and nodded their heads. They hadn't stopped looking at each other.

"You know you really make people at ease, Bella" a velvet voice whispered into my ear. Gah, his breathe was hot and moist and right there. I was going to have to change again.

"Th...Thank you Edward. Are you enjoying the mushroom ravioli?" I asked. Jake and Seth had ordered mushroom ravioli and spaghetti with garlic bread and tiramisu.

"Yes it is very good. I think that Jasper and Emmett are in love!" he said with a laugh. The man's laugh was a thing of beauty.

"So, kiddies, what are we doing next?" Aro asked, "I have to pick up Jane soon. She has a show at midnight and I'm her dresser."

"Who's Jane?" I asked because I was pretty sure that Aro wasn't into girls.

"Jane's my boyfriend Marcus' drag persona," he said with pride. It was cool with me.

"Let's play naked truth or dare," Emmett called out. This earned him another slap. Her hands are gonna hurt tomorrow.

"Let's play I never," Alice called. "We just won't use alcohol to play, that way no one loses control." Control seemed important to both Alice and Rosalie. Seth too now that I think about it.

"I like the idea. Gives us an opportunity to learn about each other." Edward said never taking his eyes off me.

Shit! Once he realizes how fucking lame I am he's gonna bolt out that damn door and out of my life!

**AN: Sorry for the delay. Writer's block. Truly sorry. Next up the game and little of EPOV maybe. **

**Please let me know what you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	9. I Never

**Disclaimer: I'm obviously NOT Stephanie Meyer so I don't own a damn thing. **

**Should have done this sooner, obviously I have a dirty mouth and so do my versions of these characters. There will be lemons at some point I'm sure. The M rating is there for a reason!**

**Previously……**

"_Let's play 'I never'," Alice called. "We just won't use alcohol to play, that way no one loses control." Control seemed important to both Alice and Rosalie . . . Seth too now that I think about it._

"_I like the idea, gives us an opportunity to learn about each other." Edward said never taking his eyes off me._

_Shit! Once he realizes how fucking lame I am he's gonna bolt out that damn door and out of my life!_

Alice moved everyone into the living room. She, Jasper, Rose and Emmett were sitting on the floor. Jake and Seth were on the couch and Edward and I were sharing my huge recliner. Aro had left saying he wanted to get home to Marcus. The man was clearly in love. I'm still trying to figure out how Alice talked a group of grown people into playing 'I Never' sober. Girl got crazy skills, yo.

"So Ali-cat how's this gonna go?" Jasper drawled at her.

"Well I'm going first and then we'll go from there," She answered. "You all have drinks take a drink if it's not about you. If some of you absolutely need alcohol, I'm sure Bella has some somewhere!" At that Jake and Emmett run to my kitchen and come back with some beer and two bottles of wine.

"Ok! Here we go! I never got arrested!" Alice exclaimed. I took a drink along with Jake, Seth, Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Edward. Interesting. . . I look at Edward; he shrugged his shoulders and said, "Emmett and Jasper drinking and strip club. That covers it."

"Okay, my turn," Jasper said. "I never had sex on the first date." Only two people didn't take a drink and that was me and Edward. Crapola let the teasing begin.

"It's like you guys are made for each other since you are either probably virgins or some shit. Say Bellsy would you pop Eddie-boy's cherry??" Emmett bellowed. I wish that the man would learn to speak like a regular human. I blushed at the question and Edward was gaping at him. Rose, God Bless her, slapped the shit out of him.

"I don't need that asshole!" Edward exclaimed. I just sat there staring. What should I say? I am so social retarded that I was quite sure if I should say anything. If Jake had said it I would have a comeback.

"Just cuz I don't fuck on the first date doesn't mean I'm prude you douche!" I said. I was proud of myself and Edward patted my hand. GO BELLA GO BELLA!

"I've never been on TV." Rosalie said. I could tell she just went with it to get the focus off me, if I were into girls I'd go down her right now! I took a drink as did Emmett, Jasper, Edward and Alice. Alice gave Rose a dirty look.

"Let's see, Papa Bear's gotta think about this one…..I've never been with a guy." Emmett said. So Rose, Alice, Seth, Jake, and I took a drink. I was expecting something dirtier from him. "Don't worry kiddies, I'm just taking it easy for my first go!" He exclaimed.

"I've never been to a strip club," Seth said. He took a drink along with everyone else. "Well at least we aren't totally sexually repressed!"

"Oh man. I've never seen Mike Newton's cock!" Jake said. I glared at him. He was seriously bringing up my biggest mistake. Note to self, watch Jake's alcohol consumption. I took a drink and so did Alice. She looked pained and I'm sure I looked pissed.

"You both slept with that mother fuc…." Emmett started before Rose hit him in the leg and put her other hand over his mouth. I just looked down and nodded. Alice didn't do anything. Newton is a broadcaster for the Seahawks and is a world class asshole. He is smarmy, not my best 2 minutes ever.

"I've never been in love!" Edward blurted out. He looked at me and had a ghost of a smile. I didn't drink nor did Edward. Everyone else did. Interesting. . . We were staring at each other when something hit my head. It was a cork. I looked at Jake when he said. "Say something fuck- face."

"Will do twink fucker! Let's see…..I've never had a threesome." I spat out. I knew Jake would have to drink. He did along with Emmett, Jasper, Rose and Seth. Rose looked pissed. I felt bad and wished I'd said something else. I didn't mean to hurt anyone.

We played for about an hour with more embarrassing "I've never farted in public." To the more intimate "I've never come multiple times in one setting." I drank to the first but not the second. I've never had the big O.

It was getting late and people needed to leave, I wanted to clean my place up and go to sleep. Emmett and Rose left together, so he could walk her to his car. Jasper and Alice left as well; he wanted to make sure she got home ok. Seth and Jake left as well, with the promise to call me tomorrow. Rose and Alice also wanted me to do a girls night when I was available. Edward and I were the only ones left.

"I had a wonderful time Bella." Edward said in my ear. He was standing right behind me. I jumped and turned around.

"Yo...You di...did? That's great!" I said in some high pitched Muppet voice. Sweet baby Jesus can is it possible for me to act like a grown up in his presence??!?!?!?!?

"I did. We are moving our stuff in tomorrow. Can I see you then?" he asked while moving my hair from my face.

"Of course, that's a great idea. Do you want me to have some food and drinks for the three of you? I mean moving is hard work. I'm sure you will all be thirsty. What do you guys like to eat? I can have an assort………" I was cut off by his lips. That was a great way to shut me up. I think it's my favorite way. His lips were soft and firm and light. He made several passes at my lips before firmly kissing me and licking my bottom lip. I opened my mouth and captured his tongue. This was one of the most erotic kisses of my life. All too soon he pulled away on a groan.

"Bella, it's just me that will stop by. Food is fine, whatever you want. We'll talk more then. I need to go before I do something I would really, really enjoy," He said.

"Good night Edward," I said simply. I wasn't sure that I was capable of coherent thought.

With one quick hug and peck on the cheek he was gone, but not before I heard a faint "Good night my Bella."

I closed the door and slid down the door to the floor. I couldn't wait for tomorrow.

**AN: Sorry again for the delay. Real life sucks sometimes. A thanks again to Edward is my only love for the awesome Beta goodness. Next chapter will be in Charlie's POV. I have decided to do another story after this one called "Beautiful Day" that will all be in Edward's point of view. I know this is short, but I couldn't make the game last too long for several reasons, one I'm not the creative and two I didn't want smut lemons this soon!**

**As always let me know what you think.**


	10. Author's Note

**I hate these and I'm sorry. I will update by next weekend. I had an issue, blah. In some good news, I will have Beautiful Day, Edward's POV up at the same time. Should be interesting and good, I'm hoping. **

**Don't give up I'll post again I promise!!!!**

**HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!**


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